Things that hp characters would never say
by cute-psycho
Summary: self explainatory...these are written by uniquegirl100 on quizilla! please vist her and rate her quizis she needs them!


Ginny: Harry I'm having your baby! Harry: No you aren't, Hermiones havin my baby! Hermione: That's impossible I'm having Rons! Harry: Then who was that girl last nite?

Anyone: Harry Potter? Harry: Thats my name, dont wear it out.

Hermione: How do u spell FBI?

Voldemort: Do these robes make me look fat?

Voldemort: Im here for the boy Albus Dumbledor: "Wud you like him gift wrapped?" Voldemort "...Uh... Sure..." Albus Dumbledore: "Were offering a special deal today were u can get the sidekicks for an additional 50 cents, wud u b interested?" Voldemort: "sure sure, just hurry up, I've got a threesome with Lucius and Severus in fifteen Min.

Harry - you're a werewolf? Lupin - yes. Harry - are you fcking serious? Lupin - yes, that too Harry - What? Lupin - whoops

Harry: I feel like dancing! dances Voldemort: Let me join! dances with Harry Voldemort: Harry? Harry: Yes, Voldy? Voldemort: Let's forget our differences and become friends? Harry: Well I guess- Voldemort: GREAT! stops dancing and a Teen Magazine magically appears in his hands Ok so I was like thinking, we could have like a sleepover, then like do our nails, and like what do you think about changing my hair color? Harry: Um...I'd say blonde, you'd make a remarkable blonde! Voldemort:Like why thank you Harry. blushes; both dance again

(This happens when the Dursley's find little baby Harry on their doorstep.) Vernon:opens door at one-o-clock in the morning Who wud be ringing our bell at this bloody time, Petunia? Petunia:looks down to see sleeping baby Harry Wat in the name of Cousin George's trousers is that? Vernon:bends down and looks at babySeems 2 b a baby, Petunia and wow...look at that scar... Petunia:whoa...that must have hurt... Harry: Professor Snape, why do you hate me soooo much? Snape: Well...I...uh... Harry: Is it because of my father? Snape: No...it was your mother... Harry: My mother? What did she do? Snape:sniffs She told me she'd go to the seventh year ball with me and then she ditched me...sniffs Harry:comforts Snape with a hug There, there, Snape. I'm sure it was all a misunderstanding. Snape: WHAAAAAAAAAA! blows nose into tissue

(Ron walks in to find Neville lightly touching his lips to poster of the horse who played Seabiscut)  
Neville: Uh...I can explain.

Harry: Voldemort's back! Ron: Oh no! Hermione: Oh no! Dumbledore: Oh no! Kool Aid guy: OH YEAH! all turn to stare at Kool Aid guy, who slowly backs out of the room

Mr. Weasley: ...And thats y Sirius Black has escaped from Azkaban. 2 find u. Harry: ...And kill me. Mr. Weasley: Pretty much, yeah. Sucks to be u, man.

Harry: Hermione? Hermione: Yeah? Harry: Before...down by the lake when I was with Sirius... Hermione: WOAH, Harry, I do NOT need to know about that

Remus embraced Sirius like a brother. Sirius: Remus get your hand off my arse!

Vernon: How's my favorite son doing today? Harry: Great, dad! Lets go play catch!

(another fav) Fred to George:Dude, do you HAVE to follow me EVERYWHERE!

Ron "You pluck your eyebrows don't you." Harry "No, they've just receeded since the last film last all, it's perfectly normal..." Ron "Hermione did it didn't she." Harry "er...yeah

after casting a curse, Draco looks down to find one of his nails has broken  
Draco: Oh that's just fucking great.

(and another) (Hospital wing in PoA when Ron shows Harry his broom is broken.) Harry: How do I play quidditch now? Fred: Here mate. Fred hands Harry a can Harry: What's this? George: Red Bull. It gives you wings (AFTER THEY GET OUT OF WHOMPING WILLOW )  
Sirius: So, Harry. I don't know if you knew this, but I'm your Godfather. Harry: Yer, I knew. Sirius: Oh, and when my name gets cleared, I was wondering if you maybe wanted to live with me? Harry: AND LEAVE MY AUNT AND UNCLE? ARE YOU TOTALLY INSANE? Sirius: I just- Harry: MISS MY BATHS WITH DUDLEY? MY LONG TALKS ABOUT MANHOOD WITH UNCLE VERNON? AND COOKING CAKES WITH AUNT PETUNIA? Sirius: Oh, Harry, I never knew- Harry: UR SICK. Totally sick... Bastard...

Hagrid: "U c, I love all animals, bugs, magical creatures, etc." sees a cockroach on floor "OMG! COCKROACH! SQUISH IT! SQUISH IT! JUST DONT LET IT COME NEAR ME, PLEEAAASSE!" Harry: "But I thought u said you loved all animals, bugs, magical creatures, etc.?" Hagrid: "But cockroaches arent any of those! They are just pure evil! Thats all! EEEEKKKK! IT CAME NEAR ME!"

Hermione comes out all dressed up because shes going on a date Harry: So, whos the lucky guy? Hermione: Im not telling. Harry: Why not? Hermione: Because, Harry, you'd kill hm. Remember what happen with Neville? flashback knock at the door Harry: WHO THE beep IS IT? Neville: Its Neville. Harry opens the door Harry: What do you want? Neville: I hav come 2 get Hermione.Harry gets a look of anger on his face Harry: Ron... Ron: Yeah? Harry: Get the shotgun. Ron: You got it. Ron hands harry the shotgun and Harry blows a hole in Neville's stomach Neville: Y is it always me? Neville falls to the ground flashback ends Harry: Ohh, blah, he lived didnt he? Hermione: Thats not the point, its the simple fact that ur way overprotective of me. knock on the door Harry: Fine, Ill give this one a chance. Hermione: Thats all I ask. Harry opens the door and sees Draco standing there with a flower in his hand Harry: Ron...get the bazooka. 


End file.
